Empower and plant the seeds of happiness in our children’s hearts can be one of the biggest concerns of most parents nowadays. How to be a legitimate guide?
Want to guide your kids but face difficult conversations?
Maybe your child is big now. 11 years old, 12 years old? Like my son. He is now starting to become a big person. Or maybe your child is still small. A few months, as my daughter likes to say “zero year” (not a year yet). Or 5 – 7 years old?
Whatever their age, sometimes you might see yourself in the place of a difficult conversation, or a challenging situation. You want to guide them or show them the way, but sometimes they do not seem to listen to you.
Yes, empower and plant the seeds of happiness in our children’s hearts can be one of our biggest concerns. How we can best do this?
My son did not want to get out of this bed
This morning my son did not want to get out of his bed. Yesterday he did not have time to study his Dutch lesson. And he wanted me to wake him up early in the morning to study. Since I was late in waking him up, he was full of frustration and refused to move. My daughter was waiting, and we risked being late for school.
What would you do in my case? I doubt you have a few choices. As it was time for school, you could, with a parent’s authority, request him firmly to get out of his bed, and prepare to go. You could also apologize for the fact that you forgot to wake him up earlier and kindly ask him to move.
It could probably work if you forced him to do what you wanted. But I bet he would still be frustrated by being obliged to do something he did not want to. There could be a morning drama in the house!
What are their biggest fears?
Why did my son refuse to move?
He was lying there in his bed, blaming his mother who did not wake him up early enough. He would have bad points for the Dutch test today. The situation was difficult for him now, not because of his fault, but his mother’s!
But most of all, he was fearful! I know he did not like Dutch lessons. He did not feel good in it. And that was why at that moment in time, he saw himself powerless. He had doubts about himself. He would have bad points. He was not good enough.
Have you ever yourselves, had these same feelings? Being in a difficult situation and regretting it so much that it was someone else fault that created you this difficulty? Or feeling doubts about yourself, that you were not good enough?
For me? I would say yes unless I lied to myself!
Our children, although smaller than us, are human beings like you an me. They share the same fears, doubts, and emotions.
Empower your children
I told my son this morning, that I faced the same. I had so many situations where people did wrong things to me and created my difficulties.
I told him that he would always face this in his life, like all of us. It was no use in those cases, to regret, and blame others.
The best way to move on, I told him, was to ask himself: Why did he need to learn this Dutch lesson? If he really wanted and liked it, he could have studied the whole afternoon when we came back from school. If he was not truly passionate about it, he could say out loud, that he did not like it, and just decided not to do it. It was his lesson, not his mother’s. And his decision. No one else’s!
Most importantly, I clarified to him, that if he was not good at Dutch, it did not mean that he was not intelligent. “You will do great things, I know it! Perhaps build a rocket, find a new unknown star, create a super cool Minecraft game of which everybody will be fool. You don’t like Dutch. It does not matter. Nobody needs to like and be good at everything. You can still do super cool things, and be the best intelligent person!”
My son finally got out of his bed and started his breakfast. We quickly went through the Dutch lesson on the journey to school. Everything was good.
You can be a legitimate guide
Can you show that you truly understand your children’s deepest irrational fears, their desires, their dreams?
Do you truly believe in them?
And give them a choice to be themselves?
You then offer them the most powerful solution: Their belief in their own power.
When you can do this, then you become a legitimate guide for your children.
Empower and plant the seeds of happiness in our children’s hearts can be one of the biggest concerns of most parents nowadays. Show that you understand their deepest fears. Believe in them. Allow them to be themselves. Those are game-changing solutions in the relationship with your children. Try these and write to me about your child!